Since you are connected to him if ways you get out of (children) I think you have to educate yourself and learn to let the things he does roll off ur back. He asked about the equipment and we definately didnt talk about anything personal. I did things again for myself and felt happy, he contact me again. She looked even better than she did in high school, and more importantly, she was 100% my type. i can laugh were it not for all the lines of heartache i carry. When I finally called him out on his need for attention via social media and with her, guess what he did? I am like the walking dead at the thought that I have destroyed me, my family, relatives, and friends. I also recognize the peace I feel would not be if we were anything more than what we are. He forgot about the online accounts and when he called a month ago, I let him know I knew where his new address was. He is always busy and when he is at a quitte time he feels the love sometimes. The narcissist isnt concerned about the rejection; in fact, they dont mind it at all. Now I want to sell it because he left me with no income or support and I was thinking of moving out of state and its no longer mine. I used to wish I was the other woman at first until I fully accepted that my ex was a Narc/Psychopath (diagnosed). He began down grading me, being very demeaning and almost hateful. I would not be friends with him the first year after the break up even though he begged. . When i came home after two days. Theres really only one way to know when a narcissist is finished with you: when you decide they are. So, I shut him down. I even went to jail, took 21 meds for my recovery with mehe cleaned out my housethe police let him. Im sure he only said it was a joke because he was trying to save his ego. He couldnt take it if I countered his opinions or discarded his advice about MY life. I have a problem and I need help and Im willing to go through all the steps to make myself better..(probably unlikely but what if.. since shes not doing well financially and she might be hitting rock bottom pretty soon..if she hasnt alreadyidk..) She also smokes and takes valiums / adderrall and stuff like that which also contributes to her instability.plus some drinking.. He left me for someone else. He could make me doubt things Id seen with my own fucking eyes. We cannot rely on them to make that decision. Even when you know what you should do, doesnt always make it easy. Today was the first day i realized that the love i had for her is gone. She would constantly leave me, make me beg, then come back promising me the world and how I was the love of her life she wanted to get married, have babies etc. Thanks and will be posting, asking your opinion. I let him in my home he changed over night became verbally abusive controlling manipulating . Please read this article. Just left spinning, not knowing what hit us, But if you dig real deep & can manage to think through the brainwashing & brain fog, the one thing they cant and will never be able to take from us is our ability to Love. He came back home slowly moved his stuff back in the span of two days told my best friend a lie on where he was going. What did i find? He met her and things scalated quickly to the point he is pretty much leaving me and our 3 year old. btw he too found out about their affair later, after he was deported. So what I did to mine was send him articles on Narcissism and asked him to read then and to also read the book The Sociopath next Door. You dont owe him anything. I havent commented on this board in a while. Thank you. It could go either wayeither he wants you as supply, or he wants revenge and is preparing for a painful and harrowing discard. Wishing you all the best. He cant dupe me anymore so he leaves me alone and fears me now. Having had many relationships this lady stole my heart. Regardless of who broke up, it was your fault. Im not quite sure but I have an idea. Adding girls on fb, the porn everything. The new supply doesn't know the narcissist's agenda and will go along with whatever the narcissist asks of them. If I didnt still have all his e-mails proving what I am saying then I would end up believing his bullshit and lies. If you go no contact, its done no ? Thank you for this.. Dear Ellen, They usually wear the mask 24/7 with new supply, which is very annoying to them. Im a fairly intelligent person and I know whats rational and I use logic and now 2 months after no contact my mind plays tricks on me and I fall into that thinking pattern this pattern I believe it has something to do with the fact that I always ask myself what if what if something can be done. You may have to go thru it again to understand that you could never have a normal relationship with a Narcissist. His last email this week was that he would prefer to speak to me not email, and that tomorrow isnt promised, and if/when Im ready I know how to reach him. I know he was abused by his Dad growing up and thats why he has this disorder. Perhaps hate was too strong a word but even after going through hell with him and seeing who he really is, I cant understand why I still think of him. Thanks everyone, and keep fighting the good fight! Thats the last thing anyone needsincluding him! The ex-wife and her husband didnt want to have any relationship with him. We met at the very beginning of a pregnancy I had with another man who turned out to be a pathological liar. On the anniversary of his mothers death he sent a text to remind me. Broken. After a couple of relationships he finally met Kym on a dating website and they made plans to move in together, except the date to move in got longer and longer He ended up giving me one days notice and left me a mess and in debt, oh and a fishtank full of dead fish and his cat too.. Ive left out a few things but I didnt hear from him (except from his FB posts with Kym on their trip through Asia and Europe) and didnt want to and was relieved that he had moved out.. There are two scenarios in which a narcissist wants their ex back. He will never let me talk badly about myself ie if I say something about my part in our break up. Cry it out, talk to friends and family, write it down, cry some more, talk to a therapist, read all about it, share your story..and day by day, piece by piece put yourself back together. Thats the tough part. Yeah, just going to reiterate the splendid answers your received, and add my own flavour: I was involved as a lover and friend of a BPD for 8 years. Shouting that has a lot of problems on his head and how dare i claim him so much i was embarassed for my family to hear so i said with a harder voice to go through him.. `Yes my mother is ok she is worried but feels good.!! The reason is that they want you to hurt. I love being on my own and alone but when I think of my ex narc the pain of his disc a rd wont go away and it seems like hes the only thing that can remind me of what love felt like. He left me once for a week about year and some ago and came back. The discard which those with NPD do becomes clearer when you interact with a narcissist you dont know that well and from which you are more detached. NO ONE he knows has seen me, I dont go places I know he goes to, I avoid certain roads at certain times of the day, etc. I was his hope. I dont doubt it was a sad day or that he even missed me a little..but I also know that he probably PLANNED to msg me on that day to illicit the sympathy from me. I think I am going through a final discard now. If you notice subtle signs of the narcissists intent to return, ignore them and move on. So, does this mean, he is not into her and wants to come home but making it hell for me to show power and control. She is a handbook case Histrionic. Never had better. I was angry about being decieved and lied to for months while she was triangulating him an I. I called her and told her I finally knew the truth. The high you get with them is fantastic. In most cases, a Narcs partner(s) eventually suffer from anxiety, agoraphobia, PTSD, C-PTSD, and more from repeated emotional abuse, yet Narcs are always so quick to trivialize their contribution to these conditions. And he obviously does it daily because he sees each one I post . I am probably right! It was within a few short weeks after that I was cut out of her life. Walk away and find someone who respects and appreciates you. Thats the best you can do? Who blames them? I said I do, but I wont let you have that satisfaction of wAtching me fight. Youre already at rock bottom so this is the perfect time to start. Twist a story to their advantage as if their the victim, and yet, their the culprit. Im struggling to get closure. Then finally, as I am actually feeling better these days, starting to discover I have thoughts of flying fluttering around in my mind, visiting other pilots and even getting up to the launching places I have yet to fly but I trust that this will come soon so while I am manifestly getting better and confronting the anxiety and the confidence issues related to the abuses I have suffered this olive branch suddenly places my re-integration in a frame made by the narcissist. It was self d fense. This lady told me that this person who was a past love (its him by all descriptions), although it may seem that his circumstance has changed externally, internally, emotionally and mentally, nothing has changed. My ex has not hoovered since he left; although I live in the country and wouldnt really know if hes been past my house, however, it has been two months since we actually laid eyes on one another. Once that mask falls, you can't pick it back up. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Hi sorry to hear everyones painful stories, it truly is the most awful thing ever. He is lying to her about his finances and tells her I am trying to turn the kids against him, which could not be further from the truth. There are things in you that have become a part of me in some way things that fill a void that had been around for a while regardless of who I was or wasnt dating, things that make me incredibly happy and incredibly confused, things that make me alive. They're ignoring you and making themselves inaccessible to you. Later I learned he was an x-con by doing research. She hasnt shed a tear since I walked out after finding out about the affair. That was almost two years ago, and we never saw each other, spoke, or texted again. NEXT, I am a small woman and live on my ownnobody. Just like in your situation, I was blamed everything she did to me. Here are three tricks that the abuser will try: 1. And that i better look for an other man because he cant make me happy. You should text or call him once you have a good reason to do it. My husband thinks Im a nascacist and even tho I have not been diagnosed how are some ways I can tell if I am or not. Next day he calls at 6:50 am and woke me up, didnt even look I answered. Learn a new skill I never thought a male so complicated could exist. Same thing moved in and almost immediate the Narc mask started slipping. He will know how tough life has been, Id hear how HE didnt hear back from me, hes found an amazing new partner and imply how alike she is to me. The stories outlined and referenced are so very similar to my experience with my narc. That is, if you were in no contact long enough, which is usually a month or two at least. Wow! Still a part of letting go. Being the victim of narsasistic abuse is very tough. My narc was beautiful. I cant imagine being married to him. He wants the house but I am not budging and he is freaking. Stay strong and stay No Contact. He lies and lies and covers with excuses and tries to deflect blame. I have decided to pursue getting my money back, and am going to send a letter to her in the next day or two giving her two weeks to get me my money, or else be sued (which I am going to do if she does not comply). N-ex has had a girlfriend for 4 months now, living with him almost half the time, including when he has our children (every other week). When we met, he expected me to go (I declined) and expressed my concern that he wanted to go without me. As she said, He teaches us all how to behave. By you refusing to be his friend, then he looks like the bad guy and narcs hate that. Whats wrong with me. THIS is Why Narcissists Refuse to be Accountable, What to Do When the Narcissist Downgrades After You, Are You Addicted to a Narcissist (and if so, What Do You Do About It?). Heartbreaking isnt it? One of the reasons why they zero in on those with battered self esteem. Watch videos on YouTube from two people will Explain a lot: Lisa A Romano and Ross Rosenberg shes been there married two of N and he is a educated counselor both very aware info about N with tips for us too. We need to change .. Im exhausted . He sounds very insecure with his story of a woman whisperer. Im convinced. Unbelievalble. After reading articles to discover the reasons for my disastrous past actions, I discovered, both I and my wife are narcissistic sociopaths. Youd love it. So many things about human behavior have come into sharp focus for me, and it caused me to take a major step back before proceeding to date others. The thing that gives me a bad feeling is that in the meantime when he did not contact you he has a lot of fun and totaly forget about you. March 11, 2021. However, I know God wants you to be healed of those wounds, and as you know, He has made a Way for your healing. Feeling rejected, (we all know how they hate that) he sent me a nasty email. Takes full responsibility. He left. I wish it where not. Im in love with being your drug, your dagger, your suicide note. I am a Christian and his behavior does not and will not strip me of my faith. The pain is so deep. I guess it just takes a lot of time to heal. We could only dine at restaurants he went to with her family. For me its only a week. Maybe i get weak when he come back again and again because i am creeving to let go off a dream. If narcissists dont give us closure, then even their absence can cause us pain. Started punishing me . Then i wrote angree letters and did not hear from him till now. I can see youre struggling to figure out. And in my mind it feels like if he walks behind me or is somewhere els in the shop. They it seems are not able to Love as we know it, they have no connection to feelings or people, they are empty vessels, they are never happy, they take, never give unless they want something. Thanks! I was sleeping there for two nights. They love the attention whether bad or good. Since this is a discussion related to people with lack of feelings, this type of Narc is irrelevant. Your ex is probably screwing someone else, since he cant have sex with the new one. Im seeing all this sometimes all the time. (Yeah, thats truesick f*ck that he is.) Basically, If you don't like the way things are or who he is, then leave. Because narcissists only connect with people who provide narcissistic supply. I didnt know it at the time as I was told I was the problem and that she needed some space to find herself. I learned my lessons over and over again until i was conditioned to not be my outgoing, confident self and be subservient to her will and desires. Just think of it yourself. After years of abuse, they realized they were in a destructive relationship and harmed them, so they left. Every single action employed by the narcissist stems from a pathological need to control others. Sadly I still Love him dearly, despite losing everything & him calling the Police & threatening to get me put in Jail !!!!!!!!!!. Youll never have any peace, youll be in a constant state of limbo, and the narcissist will never allow you to move on. He said if he found it, he would put it in my mailbox, which is next to my landladys house. Would I love to say that Im staying in my marriage because together we are working to improve things because he is not disordered, yes I would love to tell you that. I bought him 2 cars which were never good enough. One way to spot a guy who is breadcrumbing? Recovered, very insightful comments! She will never admit it though. I was blocked on her facebook I was surprised to learn these things about myself because I always thought that I had a healthy love for myself. Theyll seek out your biggest weakness, insecurity, or theyll touch on something they know will really hurt you, and theyll go all out with it. Cheers! But since you used no contact, your ex is not annoyed by you. Thats why to get many of them in the same group is no surprise to professionals, so the term psychopathic mob was coined, and what me and you are in, is known as character assassination. He then sulked and went silent and told me I was making a big mistake. He told me the other day he is having a relation with a man now!! Is It Not A Form Of Control Over You? Its a process but eventually u will get there. A narcissist might use specific tools and tactics to induce others with negative thinking. Also, you are likely experiencing effects of trauma bonding, which is a cognitive, bio-chemical attachment we form to our abuser. We had a very loving relationship, but it didnt stop him from being manipulative and verbally abusive when he felt hurt or angry. Very, very sad that I have let this woman take up so much wasted space and time in my brain. In any case, tiredofliars8 and I sound like we went through a lot of the same kinds of things with a very similar personality type. And this wasnt just in the beginning..he was this way consistently for the entire two years we were together. When a narcissists ex moves on and finds true and lasting happiness, the narcissist is furious. For Someone so fantastic and beyond you. But watching and feeling the love drain from me over a year long period and seeing him in his truer persona has been extremely difficult. I kindly asked him to leave my property and he took off like a 2 yr old having a tantrum. She sees that we only deal with him when we have to and even then he is difficult. I suppose the mindset of the Narcissist is that youll miss them so much, youll forget about what they did or said to you. I installed Mr. Good job! If i argued with her it would blow out of proportions and it would take weeks to rebuild the connection. Also understand that is very easy from the outside looking in that she is a terrible catch, and why would I be attracted to someone like that. You may feel obsessed with the idea that by going back over every word and action that took place between you, you can see into the future. Narcs are about as predictable as flies on dog poo. Told him finally that I want to move on and hearing from him was preventing that and causing me pain. Sorry this is so long, but you all know how complicated these relationships are to explain. Nothing happened. We cant hate because thats not part of our makeup. Their pattern is idealise, devalue, discard. I never said ALL of them.. What I said was they OFTEN are. He had so much hate towards me that I couldnt even fathom what I did that was so wrong. I love the way I feel about me when you are with me. Third, they like having more than one source of supply because when they get bored with one, theyll just start a fight and then go off with the other for a while. Whats the attraction? She was never happy. Should I call him, meet with him. I will say that with this latest cut off, (after borrowing the $3,000) she mentioned that I have put you through a lot, and for you to still be my friend through all of it is something that I am so thankful for. Two months later, in May, he wrote a lovely email that he misses me blah blah. My ex wanted some time to think about what he wanted so I ended it for him. Thanks for your reply Kim. One month of No Contact and my ex hasn't contacted me yet. There needs to be repercussions. its not fair that you de-friended me on FB. They can lie in a New York minute. Due to this, he or she has a load of vile bile stewing in their stomach cavity at all times, and they need someone to project their negative emotions onto. I love having a full-time, personal audience. Your ex WILL contact you again. Mine apologized for the first time in five years when she realized I wasnt coming back. Why is this important?? When I rebuked him and told him his gf wouldnt like that then he said they werent sexual. Bipolar, Addict, Narcissist who would have thought that this is who she turned out to be ? Its not your job to stay friends with this person on FB so they can cyber-stalk you. Anyone who has dealt with a narc is changed and scarred forever, Period. Many Narcissists dont treat their exes well, especially when they refuse to come back. He worked on me till he boke me . First, it can be almost as if our lives are on hold, awaiting this conditioning we have been subjected to over the years. And if he does. 2) accept it it kind of placed me in a situation where their support was conditional on my taking this risk.. So he tried to make me dependent on him. Think about that for a moment. This male is 63 years old and no end of this obsession in sight. After months of no contact and his pitiful attempts at contact, I relented to a limited contact relationship as long as it didnt affect my significant other. That is what I meant when I say this type is often harder to get over. Dont know, if I should/can say youve been lucky. The proof is in the pudding. Just apologizing in general. I do can imagian how it feels to be humuliated like that and rip your heart out and step on it. I will definitely visit him now. I love not being that tree falling in the forest. No Contact makes the narcissist feel small, worthless, and powerless. He really does seem to be a mix of both. A narcissist will never allow you to escape, let alone figure them out. I sold my car flat and moved to the area that she lived. They may hoover, but thats another story. In simple, the narcissist creates a belief in you (even without your knowledge) that you are unsuitable for any relationship. So i said i have a boyfriend also.He never said anything before the weekend begins. I feel for you but IF you knew he was cheating on you and you stayed, get some good therapy and heal. He has nobody to control but his own daughter. The only value this guy must have is that he hasnt called her out yet and she is manipulating him more than she was able to manipulate you! I said nope, I will not give you that satisfaction. However, in relationships with Ns, lack of boundaries and low self esteem are a common denominator. He wouldnt say it, I would just read that because that is what hes saying. . 4. She will do the same thing to the new guy. I consider myself in recovery, but my life is 500% better. Thanks for this post it boils it down so clearly. They cant stand rejection so they try to cover it up and make you feel as bad as they do. He sounded like he is talking to me.. My daughter said the same thing.. she felt that he was talking to me. I cant believe this is my life ! Now, he will have to pay the cable & internet companies for the cost of the boxes if he dont return them and Im not going to keep them BUT Im not jumping just cause he graces me with his texts and calls and Im not responding just cause he thinks i should. I hope to share my story one day.. Keep up the good work! He said I was thinking stupid and that there was nothing there Next thing you know he ended it with me, totally ended it. Please think about these things and try to have some empathy for the female victims before you make unfair claims like that. I finally learned after falling for the hoovering several times. They arent, so they have to undo you like a fly in a spider web and make you feel as crappy as they do. This seems to hold even after years or decades. Reading this site has helped me get a little better handle on my feelings however. That some people say things they dont really mean and have too much pride to admit they messed up badly? As painful as what I went through was for me, I would never say my pain was worse than anyone elses experience nor would I say that men suffer less. 1. Or, I should say, whenever I begin to entertain paranoid thoughts of the two of us apart the emptiness creeps in. Its only been two months since that happened. It's been a while since your breakup and things didn't end on a good note. Sort of creepy really. Answer (1 of 40): 1. Puts here self a side.. A live where he is SuperGOD and my sweet loving daughter would just be a piece of.. Barb, if you truly need to go back to your hometown, then try not to bother yourself with what your Ex and other people might be saying. I am in the very beginning stages of leaving my narcissistic Abuser. They never accept blame , they control your world ( or try), projection . Deep down, they are hurting souls and not the cruel calculating individuals theyre perceived to be. Interesting!!! Maybe that is part of the problem. and they know exactly what they are doing they know right from wrong, good from bad Again acceptance he was disordered helped me find peace. -Responding positively to their partners mirroring Kudos on going No Contact! I am in the same boat. Someday, it may be you on the other end of that hoover calculation theyre making. But his behavior was escalating and I was then suspicious of it, this is when affair was discovered. Who does that? My ex Narc discarded me for the millionth time some years ago after months of me Gray rocking him. It was as if his mind completely changed and he realized I already knew too much and there was no going back. Reading Suggestion: What is narcissistic Supply? He always wanted money I never knew so many people who died is such a short period of time on his side of the family. Take care" Then I blocked her number . When questioned he would get angry and evasive. My ex really really did try harder with me and I know this for a fact but it was always precipitated by me dumping him. Shes left again and Ive not heard from her in over a week. I know that I wanted the school year to end but being apart from you is not what I had in mind. your mean? It almost seemed like he wanted to punish me and treat me like I didnt matter anymore (and made sure I noticed). Now it involves $3,000. `. That tarot card reading has me spooked. He couldnt deny the behaviors and traits fit. Restaurants he went to with her, guess what he did scenarios in which narcissist. Youve been lucky a relation with a Narc is irrelevant your dagger, your suicide note is I... A normal relationship with a man now! in and almost hateful do, doesnt always make it.. 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Then he is. has helped me get a little better handle on my ownnobody happiness, the narcissist concerned. A mix of both ago, and powerless bottom so this is a discussion related to people with lack boundaries...
my ex narcissist hasn't contacted me
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